[public]
People, we have a problem of some magnitude.
Yes, yes, I'm sure you're all preoccupied with whining about your tourney losses and having your genders altered. I hear someone died lately? Man, that's just horrible. But this is worse.
There is a pants thief on the loose.
(It's not me.)
Come on. I mean, come on. As if things weren't bad enough? Being stuck on some island without any memories? Now we apparently don't get to have pants either? One of you needs to fess up. I mean, like, now. Man up.
Please?
Seriously. I am cold. In places that should never be cold. Living amongst us there is a heartless, callous pilferer of pantaloons. Arm yourselves! Police the halls! It's up to us to locate this villainous rogue!
(I suspect that cute red-headed chick in Room 201.)